Ms. Speaker ---Hi Sweetie. Hasn't it been a fabulous year? Vice Dick... Yo Dead Eye, thanks for keeping that squirmy little Dennis Kucinich and his impeachment resolution out of my face.
Waves and points to where members of the Supreme Court are sitting.... A special thanks to the fabulous Supreme 5 for putting me in this office. It's been fun guys! Good evening to you.
Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious—I'm gracious that my brother Jeb was governor of Florida in 2000. AND Kat Harris....Damn I miss seeing that bitch in this grand audience.
Every time I come to this rostrum, I chuckle with glee that all you suckers have to bend over and kiss my ass for another year and what a year it's been! I recall one speech in this chamber when I told you that our differences in these two chambers will discussed in a civil manner.
Snicker...giggle.... I can't believe you Democrats and your damn fool bi-partisanship! Thanks DemoRats for a FABULOUS 7 yrs. Just watch what I have in store for you in my final year IF I decide that it is my final year.
I told you that I (ME... the Decider) will make choices that determine the future and the character of my country. Hehehehehe! You didn't have a clue when I talked about charting a different course. Sorry about that missing surplus but we had to fight against those terrorists over there so they don't come over here.
Pay down an unprecedented amount of the national debt? Did I say that? Oooops, sorry about that...hehehehe.... Well, you know those damn terrorists just messed up my grand plans. Thanks again Uncle Dick. Enjoying that off shore account in Dubai?? Money left over from paying down that debt... ho ho ho ROTFLMAO! What a speech!
Every year this speech just gets better & better!
Whew! What a trip! "I don't particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, by the way, unless I say it".
Oh boy ('scuse me Osama errrrr uh ah Obama...sorry about that. hehehehe) did I ever pursue those terrorists! Poor Osama (hehehehe) ........ sorry about that old bud. Enjoying my ranch in Paraguay? How about those weekenders at my favorite pig farm in Crawford, Texas? We've had some great times, eh? (snickering ) You still owe me for getting your family & friends out of the U.S. immediately after Uncle Dick's 9-11 adventure. You and Kenny Boy having a good time? YEAH! (Thumbs up)
Yep, I warned you about that radical Islam and called my best bud, Osama a terrorist. You didn't have a clue that it was my secret code to the 9-11 gang to get prepared did you? Too late now suckers. I own you body and soul thanks to those handy telephone tapping games!
As for those Iraqis, their population has been reduced to where they will have very little competition in their businesses. They can now sit back and enjoy their new found freedom under the protection of MY army for the next hundred years.
Hey, how do you like that great big embassy in Iraq? Oh, you don't know about that? Surprise! Surprise! It is the world's largest embassy. You didn't think that I, The Commander Guy, was going to do anything half-assed did you? Big! Big! Big! That's my motto as your commander in chief.
"My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the—in the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen." (Bushism) Yep... We're gonna be there a long, long time. Get used to it.
You get any ideas about messing with me, the Decider & you'll get a bad case of whoopass. Just ask Joe Wilson & Valerie Plame! They don't call me king george for nothing!
My secret government still bothering you? Tough! I'm the Decider, the commander guy & I make my own rules. If you don't believe it go to the White House web site and read all MY LAWS. I have a signing statement for every occasion.
Me, torture prisoners? Prove it suckers! You ain't got nothing on george bush that I don't have something on you that will overcome your silly accusations.
Now for the current situation. Damn, do I have to solve everything? While I was busy with my highly successful wars (Yes they are successful because I say so) somebody was screwing around with the economicals of this country. Now I have to solve this mess or at least cover it up till I get my comfortable, rich ass propped up in Paraguay. Hey, wanna buy a fabulous pig farm in Texas to help my economical situation?
Anyhow, I'm going to stimulate this mess caused by Wal Mart....er Wall Street by giving you a big fat check but first I have to get something on those damn Democrats so they don't stick that food stamp crap back in my fabulous bill. Of course they will try to take out my fabulous tax breaks for my rich buddies too. There really ought to be a law against being a DemoRAT.
So, you little old peons are going to get a big fat check....might be as much as $600... and I want to you to get off your welfare asses and spend that thing as fast as you can. Thanks to me you are going to be rich, rich rich so...Go shopping. Spend, spend, spend just like I do. Gotta get that money moving around to make it look like the economicals is rebounding in the remaining months of my term as your un-elected pRes.
Ha! ha! ha! Just popped into my head that some of you might still be pissed because those fabulous Supremes appointed me, when that damn Al Gore was counting and showing that he might win. Too bad losers!
The agenda I have set before you tonight is worthy of a great man like me. Just think when you walk through that Statuary's Hall in the Capitol building you can be visualizing what my statue will look like. Make it big and fabulous.
I came here for a reason. I have kept my promise to those fabulous corporations. I don't give a damn about you middle class & welfare queens. You will be working for my buddies for the rest of your miserable lives for minimum wage. If you want to crawl out of those crumbling huts & repossessed houses you will have to get your fat asses to Harvard or Yale like I did and get that "C' average.
Then you can be presudent, just like me! In the meantime here's to you dumb klutzes who will never be as importantical as me....
Praise the Lord and goodnight.
Exit podium with both middle fingers held high!
Back at ya Dubya! And in old fashioned Southernese, Kiss my Grits!
May your last year in office be a living hell ....FOR YOU!
It's only fair after we were forced to tolerate your ugly, smirking ass for 7 long years, going on 8.