June 28, 2005

The following is what Bush really said Tuesday night at Fort Bragg, N.C., as provided by Grandma Maggie

Gosh, hehehehe! smirk, smirk.

I'm tickled pink to be able to use the Ft. Bragg soldiers as a backdrop for this speechifying of mine.
My greatest responsibility as president is to tell the truth ..... Ha ha ha ho hoho!. Oh that was a good one!

Where would I be without cannon fodder like you?

I thank your families, for mostly keeping their big mouth shut & for waving those Chinese made flags.

The soldiers and families of Fort Bragg have contributed mightily to my efforts to secure oil for my good friends at Halliburton, etc and for me of course! I am so grateful that I am about to pee my pants because I have been so successful in deceiving you..

The troops here and across the world are fighting for a bald faced lie. September 11, 2001 is my crowning jewel. I still can't believe that you suckers are still buying that line!

The terrorists who attacked you and the terrorists you face, murder in the name of a totalitarian ideology that hates freedom, rejects tolerance and despises all dissent..... Yes sireee Sam, That's me!

My aim is to remake the Middle East in my own grim image of tyranny and oppression by toppling governments, by driving decent people out of the region and by keeping you terrorized.

To achieve these aims, I will continue to kill: in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran and elsewhere.

I believe that free societies are essentially corrupt and decadent and, with a few hard blows, I can force you to retreat until you bow down and kiss my feet.

After September the 11th, I made a commitment to PNAC & Uncle Dicky: This nation will be attacked again. I will defend my lies and will fight dissent where ever it shows it's ugly head.
Iraq is the latest battlefield in this war.

I don't have to tell you that I kill innocent men, women and children on the streets of Baghdad because they are followers of the 'dissenters' you see in New York, Washington and London.
There is only one course of action against them: to kill them before you get your dumb heads out of your ass.

Our mission in Iraq is as clear as the center of a tornado: We're killing anyone who gets in our way. We're helping Iraqis become the terrorists that I need to convince others that they must be my ally in this war, no matter how big a lie must be utilized. We're not advancing freedom in the broader Middle East. We are making a new source of violence and instability and laying the foundation of never-ending war for our children and our grandchildren.

The work in Iraq is difficult and it is dangerous. I love to see the images of violence and bloodshed that shows the horror and the suffering. They know whose the boss.
Amid all this violence, I know Americans ask the question: Is the sacrifice worth it?
You're damn tooting it is worth it. And it is vital to the future of my plans for other countries who get in my way.

Some of the violence you see in Iraq is being carried out by Iraqis who are trying to defend their country. Damn those who dissent & bring attention to my grand PNAC plans.

They fight because they know that the survival of my hateful ideology is at stake.
They know that as my kind of freedom takes root in Iraq, it will inspire millions across the Middle East to join their dissent.

Some wonder whether Iraq is a central front in the war on terror. On that account there is no debate. I've made sure that this will be my center for decades to come.

I talked to my buddy, Osama bin Laden down at the pig farm in Texas and he says: This third world war is raging in Iraq. The whole world is watching this war. He says it will end in misery and humiliation.

I know that the outcome will leave them emboldened. So we are waging a campaign of murder and destruction. And there is no limit to the innocent lives we are willing to take.

You can see the nature of the enemy when you look at me. Mine are savage acts of violence, but they have not stopped the insurgents nor has it brought me any closer to achieving my strategic objectives.

I have broadcast my atrocities for the world to see. My actions have not forced a mass withdrawal by our allies. Why should it? I am bribing those bastards with your money on a daily basis.

The lesson of this experience is clear: I can kill the innocent, and no one can stop me as long as I have you suckers snowed with my fabrications and bald faced lies.

The only way my enemies can succeed is if I allow you to forget September the 11th, this will not happen on my watch.

A little over a year ago, I spoke to the nation and described my coalition's goal in Iraq. I said that the Bu$h mission in Iraq is to a joyous success and you believed it. I told you that I would defeat an enemy and give strength to a friend -- and I did. I just gave Halliburton another contract in spite of them getting caught while they were funneling money to me and my best buds!

I outlined the steps I would take to achieve this goal.

I would pretend to hand authority over to a sovereign Iraqi government. I would help Iraqis hold elections of my choosing by January 2005. We would continue helping Halliburton to rebuild anything their little hearts desired. I would encourage more international support for Halliburton's thievery. And we would keep Uncle Dick in his hidey hole to avoid embarrassment at his near fatal slips of the tongue. We had to give that old boy a jolt a few days ago in Colorado or one of those out west places.

In the past year, I have made significant progress.

One year ago today, I presented a pretend sovereignty to the Iraqi people. By January 2005, more than 100 thousand Iraqi men, women & children had died because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I continued with efforts to convince them turn over their country to me. Turning over a country after three decades of tyranny is hard, but they will see another three decades if they don't get their asses out of my way.

My progress has been uneven, but progress is being made. You think that I am improving roads and schools and health clinics; that I'm working to improve basic services like sanitation, electricity and water and that together with our allies, we will help the new Iraqi government deliver a better life for its citizens. ROTFLMAO! Keep on watching Fox you ninnies!
In the past year, the international community has stepped forward with vital hands out for bribes before they would participate in Bush's folly. Some 30 nations have troops in Iraq, (about ten each) and many others are contributing non-military assistance. (That means I am paying a premium price for lip service).

More than 80 countries and international organizations recently came together to decide what they could do to stop my march across the Middle East. Once again.....ROTFLMAO!

Today, Iraq has more than 160,000 security forces trained and equipped for a variety of missions including how to kick my ass. Iraqi forces have fought bravely, helping terrorists and insurgents in Najaf and Samarra, Fallujah and Mosul.

And in the past month, Iraqi forces have led a major terrorist campaign in Baghdad called Operation Lightning, which has led to the capture of hundreds of innocent Iraqi citizens.

The progress in the past year has been non-existent, and but I do have a clear path forward. To complete the mission, I will continue to hunt down for Osama Bin Laden. (hehehehe... why do you think I make so many trips to the pig farm in Crawford).

I have decided that the best way to complete the mission is to keep murdering people so that Iraq can never govern itself, sustain itself and or defend itself.

So my strategy going forward has both a military track and a political track.

The principal task of our military is to pretend find and defeat the terrorists. And that is why I am on the offense.

And as I pursue the terrorists, our military is are losing members every day.

My strategy can be summed up this way: As the Iraqis stand up, I will keep my Texas ass as far away from this mess as possible.

I have made progress, and killed over 1700 US troops in the process, but I have a lot more work to do.

My coalition is dragging it's ass & are slow to provide resources and manpower to this critical task.

Today, hundreds of nations are working toward a common objective: How to kick my stupid ass back to Texas or worse but I am staying the course.

I am taking three old ..er... new steps:

First, we are partnering coalition units with Iraqi units. Let some of them get killed to take the heat off me for all of our military deaths. These combined operations under Donald Rumsfeld are giving Iraqis a chance to experience the most unprepared armed forces in the world.
Second, we are embedding coalition transition teams inside Iraqi units to tattle on the ones who slip away to join the insurgents. These teams are made up of bribed coalition members who live, work and die with their Iraqi comrades.

Under Rumsfeld command, they don't have a snowball's chance in hell of messing up my plans, matter of fact they don't have a snowball's chance in hell...period!

Third, we are working with the Iraqi ministries of interior and defense to help them develop command and control structures according to Dick Cheney. Ho ho ho, this is too good!
We're also providing them with civilian and military leadership training, under Rumsfeld so Iraq's new leaders will never effectively manage their forces in the fight against error.

The new Iraqi security forces are proving their courage every day. More than 2,000 members of Iraqi security forces have given their lives for Rumsfeld's stupidity. Thousands more are now training to serve their new god and savior,...........ME.

A major part of our mission is to train them so they can do the dying, and then our troops can come home. I recognize that Americans want our troops to come home as quickly as possible. Forget that shit!

Some contend that we should set a deadline for withdrawing U.S. forces. Let me explain why those people are full of crap.

Setting a timetable would allow Americans to see what a damned liar I have been & I don't want to get my ass impeached. It would send the wrong signal to our troops, who have been fed a continuous diet of my propaganda & they would know that they are risking their lives to get oil for my good buddies, Cheney, Kenny Boy....oops! Never mind, I don't really know that guy.

And it would send the wrong message to the American people , who are already suspicious of some of my stories.

Some Americans ask me, If completing the mission is so important, why don't you send more troops? You gotta be schittin' me. I trust Uncle Donny and Uncle Dick. Those damn commanders will just have to do with what they have. I have my eye on Iran now and will need troops there.


As we determine the right force level, my troops can know that I will continue to be guided by the advice that matters: the sobering lies of Uncle Dick, Donny and Condi!

The Iraqi people are looking at decades of tyranny and oppression.

Under the regime of Saddam Hussein,(Thanks to Pres. Raygun & my daddy) the Shia and Kurds were brutally oppressed and the vast majority of Sunni Arabs were also denied their basic rights while senior regime officials enjoyed the privileges of unchecked power like me.
The challenge facing Iraqis today is how to get rid of me and come together to build a new Iraq that includes all of its people.

They are doing that by building the world's largest terrorist organization and that fits right in with my plans for a never-ending war. Freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, freedom of religion and equal justice under law.....Hahahahahohoho....hehehe.

The Iraqis have held an election based on my rules. The next step is shove my constitution down their throats permanently. I plan to expand the constitutional drafting committee to include all the new terrorists groups that have assembled in Iraq.
That is essential to MY future.


After my experts write the constitution, the Iraqi people will have a chance to dip their fingers in that pretty purple ink again. It won't matter since Diebold has already prepared the winning ticket! Of course that is subject to change since someone keeps picking off the leaders I have appointed.

The combination of political and military tom foolery will lay a solid foundation for an occupied Iraq.

As Iraqis are subdued, the effects are being felt beyond Iraq's borders. Can you feel it America?

Before our coalition liberated Iraq, Libya was openly pursuing nuclear weapons. Today the leader of Libya has moved his chemical and nuclear weapons programs to Iran. How convenient for my Axis of Evil plans.

My strategy it to get that Iraqi oil and to keep Halliburton pumping those big green ones my way for years to come.

The rise of freedom in this vital region will stifle my plans & provide conditions that might cause the Iraqis to rise up and kick my ass.

I have more work to do, and there will be tough moments when you uncover more of my lies.

I am fighting against Liberals who are armed with the truth and that is a lethal weapon that can be used against my atrocities. They respect the laws of warfare and morality. They curse at the taking of innocent lives & other chaos that is shown in the damned liberal media.

They will fail at shaking my will in Iraq just as they failed to see that I had been appointed king of the U.S. on 12-12-2000.

The Liberals do not understand me. I stay the course under threat and I will not allow those damned car bombs and assassins to be used against me.

I demand the courage of you fighting men and women. You must be steadfast in the face of those evil liberals. You must fight them there because I don't want them inside this country where they might fry my dumb ass.

I know what is at stake here and I accept the burden of continuing my $60,000 an hour trips on that luxury plane (AF One) and I will keep you in the fight until I get everything my rich bitch friends want.

America has done difficult work in the past. From the fight for her independence, to the dark days of civil war, to WWII, never has the world seen so many lies from those damned liberals, like Bill Clinton who should have eradicated all evil in the world before I had myself appointed president, hopefully for life.

I will hold firm because I have always believed that if I am not confronted I gain strength. Yet those liberals are beginning to grow a spine and they have the audacity to question my ever changing stories.

Downing Street Memos, my ass! That damn Blair can't keep a secret.

In this time of testing, I need you, the troops behind me at all times. Next week, on the 4th of July, I will take the opportunity to use as many of you as possible by flying the flag, sending rubber stamped letters to the families of the deceased and by convincing as many of you as possible that you need to take another cut in pay or benefits.

At this time when we celebrate our freedom, I thank you for your courage under fire and your service to my cause. Now I must end with one of those corny endings that will shut up those damn liberals for several days.

I thank our military families. The burden of war falls especially hard on you. TOUGH! You knew what you were getting into when your hero signed on that dotted line.

In this war, good men and women who left our shores to fight because of my lies and did not live to make the journey home.

I've never attended a funeral with those lower class families grieving the loss of loved ones and I don't intend to start today so shut up about photographing those damn coffins at Dover AFB.

I will pray that the families continue to support my efforts to enrich my good buddies at Halliburton, Kellogg, Root,Brown, etc. The best way to honor me is to complete my mission.
I thank those of you who've re-enlisted compliments of Rumsfeld's stop loss orders. hehehehehe

And to those watching tonight who are considering a military career, there is no higher calling than service for king George, your god and savior, whether you know it or not.

I live in AWOLness because my daddy had the green stuff to make sure that I never had to put up with the shit that you clowns are enduring.

When the history of this period is written, the destruction of Afghanistan & Iraq will be great turning points in the return of slavery in our great country, unless those &%$&%*@^&# liberals & progressives manage to wake up you sheep.


After September 11, 2001, I turned on the tears for your benefit, AFTER a 4 day drunk and AFTER Uncle Dick threatened to kick my cowardly ass if I did get it on AF One and get back to DC to carry out his PNAC plans. After all he and I were the ring leaders in revising and carrying out Operation Northwoods..... now known as Operation 9-11. Whew! That one had me sweating for a while.

I must prevail as my enemies are brutal but they are no match for the great George Bush as I know I can order the military to do any damn thing I say and that greedy, wimpy Congress will only roll over yet again! Damn who would have ever thought that a brain damaged, dry drunk could wreak such havoc with no interference?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the pious, religious ending. May God bless all you little suckers.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you very much little sheeple. And God bless. Bless you, bless you, bless you...


(Ooooops... in open mike..... "was that good enough to do a snowjob on those sonovabitches in the Senate? Reckon they noticed that this is the same damn thing I said a yr ago?)